I realized that my sudden obsession with my weight is not only because I randomly lost some, but also because I've been so depressed and without any clear direction. The last time I was at the point where I wasn't eating this seriously was right after I got suspended from Central and I didn't know if I even wanted to back or what I wanted to do. I suppose this is one of those cliche things where I'm trying so hard to control my weight because I feel like it's the only thing in my life I really can control. Is that still the case once I realize it? Or is it one of those things where you can't be crazy AND know you're crazy? I don't know. Also, I'm incredibly lonely right now and this is something to concentrate on, I guess. I never thought that I would come home and be even lonelier then when I was in Georgia. I slept for about 12 hours today. I woke up at 5:30 in the evening and I wanted to go back to sleep. Not because I was tired, but just because I didn't want to be awake. I just wanted to keep dreaming, because it was so much better. So...have I not changed a bit since I left? Or have I changed immensely, but only when I'm out there? Or maybe who I am and the kind of person I am hasn't changed, but I've just learned more about who that person is? Maybe I'm past the point of changing. Maybe who I am know is who I'm going to be forever. Maybe I'm done. Probably not, but it sounded really whiny and annoying, didn't it? I wish it was Christmas time. I need to go do something, but I haven't decided what. I wish everyone I knew didn't have kids and boyfriends and other groups of friends. I just want something familiar, besides this feeling of melancholy. It's strange how there seems to be a particular brand of it at home. There were times when I was sad in Ellensburg, California, and Georgia, but they were all different from each other and from here. That seems somewhat bizarre to me that county lines should dictate the type of depression I feel. Whatever. I'm sad, but at least I'm going to be skinny. Which doesn't matter, but it always does. Doesn't it?
Wed, Oct. 12th, 2005, 08:49 am
It just occurred to me that gummy bears (which would make me sick right now) and an Egg McMuffin (which I normally think are disgusting) would make a really good breakfast right now.
|My LiveJournal Trick-or-Treat Haul|
|spidercrabs goes trick-or-treating, dressed up as Richard Simmons.|
|_____aakoipond tricks you! You get a rotten egg.|
|adummb05 tricks you! You get a piece of paper.|
|bigdride tricks you! You get a toothbrush.|
|carwen tricks you! You get a wad of paper.|
|chenchisawench gives you 6 milky white grapefruit-flavoured gummy bats.|
|citrusdeath gives you 5 red lime-flavoured jawbreakers.|
|izzybelle tricks you! You get a scratched CD.|
|jacobrb02 tricks you! You lose 1 pieces of candy!|
|mcjenzington gives you 5 white root beer-flavoured gummy bats.|
|murwitz gives you 9 light yellow raspberry-flavoured wafers.|
|spidercrabs ends up with 24 pieces of candy, a rotten egg, a piece of paper, a toothbrush, a wad of paper, and a scratched CD.|
|Another fun meme brought to you by rfreebern.|
I am vengeance.
I am the night.
I am ...
RED EXIT SIGN GIRL.
I am so going to kick pattiboombatti
out of the house. They wore my favorite anime shirt when carwen
was visiting. I've never been so embarassed in my life!
Oh and I don't know why jacobrb02
went all psycho over me and _____aakoipond
having a little fun.
And also mom & dad was totally unfair to me yesterday and now now I can't go to the mall with mcjenzington
This entry automatically generated by the LJ Drama Generator